learning to be still

I originally wrote a very long post explaining the last few months of our life and how we have been dealing with some difficult trials and disappointments. As I got ready to publish, I decided not to put it all out there. Let me just say this month has been an amazing one. I have learned things about myself and had to exercise my faith muscles more than ever before. The most difficult and wonderful thing I have experienced is the concept of being still. My personality is such that I like to be doing. I like to moving towards something, a goal, a plan, whatever. I like to get things done. That wasn't the way things went this time around. I got great advice from my mom and another dear friend that was so similar that I decided to test it out. I decided to be still and have faith that God is in charge. Guess what? He is. He is in charge. He is aware. He is in everything. And in my case He was just waiting for me to figure that out. Once I turned it over to Him, things were different. I continued packing but my mindset was different. I felt the Spirit as I packed. My home has been calm. I have witnessed the windows of heaven being opened up. Yesterday a wonderful couple came to the apartment and signed the lease for July 15. A miracle really. That's just what it is. A blessing from heaven. 

Jon and I celebrated our 14th anniversary yesterday. Fourteen years. We looked forward the next fourteen to realize our children will no longer be 8 and 12, but 22 and 26. I will be in a career and nearing 50. Jon will be past 50 and famous. :) Time never ceases to pass. But our life is blessed. We have everything we need and more. So much more. We have family far and near. We have friends dotting the globe. We are healthy, strong and happy. I don't know what more I could ask for in life. 

The next few months will be filled with great changes for our fam. But if you know anything about me, you now I don't mind change. I would say I even appreciate it, dare I say embrace it? I am excited for what lies ahead and what new adventures are in store. Mostly I am grateful. I am grateful to a Father who loves me and allows me to learn and struggle, always waiting in the wings for me to recognize Him. So patient.

I need to say thank you to everyone who had my family in their prayers or on the rolls at the temple or helped us move things to storage. It helped so much. I appreciate it immensely. As things get figured out, we'll keep you posted. So stay tuned for big changes.

Resolutions and Relationships

I have been trying to decide what I want out of this new year. My mind has been spinning the idea around like a clothing dryer on an endless cycle. I set goals. I usually do. I feel good about them. There are five. I could add more, but I'm not going to. I'm baby-stepping it this year. I know I can accomplish them all and I think they will each challenge me in different ways.

But the goals don't sum up what I want from 2010. What is it that I want? What matters to me most? I spend a heck of a lot of time worrying/thinking about money, homeschool, the future (in relation to Jon finding a job), lessons/sports for my kids, my calling, my pant size and lots of other random things. There are important elements in all of those things, but most of those things are simply that - things. They aren't lasting. Yes my children's education is important as are their extra activities. Money is necessary as is a job. My pants size? I would like it to be smaller but in reality it isn't something that needs to be mingling with the more important thoughts in my mind. What is it them that should garner my attention?

This is what had me up last night lying in bed listening to my man breathe evenly beside me. Finally, my mind found something clear in the chaos. One word: Relationships. Simple right? Okay maybe not, but just what I was looking for anyway. I want to improve the relationships in my life this year. I am going to invest myself more fully, honestly and genuinely than I have in the past. Some relationships are already good, strong and healthy and still I know they would benefit from a little more attention on my part. Others, I struggle to feel okay with. I don't have much of a relationship with my father Rod. I need to change that. He may not be capable of contributing much at this point, but I certainly am. There are others too I have let fall by the wayside and with just a little more effort they could be wonderful again too.

So in addition to my five little goals and my ongoing mantra to simplify! simplify! simplify!, I am going to strengthen the relationships in my life. They are absolutely the most important things in my life. Without them I would be lost. I would not be me. It just wouldn't be worth it.

New Resolve on a Pretty Typical Sunday

Today started out nicely, turned ugly for a short time right before church but only got better and has actually been peaceful and wonderful to this point. I taught RS today and I think it went well. We had a lot of visitors/investigators at church today. The flu had many 'regulars' not in attendance. I always feel so tall when I teach. I think it must be the combination of me in heels, hitting somewhere in the 5'10-11" range and a seemingly very short table to stand behind.  And of course, I finished the lesson bearing testimony in tears, something I always do despite my best efforts (the tears part, not the testimony). Still, I had a wonderful time preparing and formed a new resolve to live my life better and not waste so much time. I feel like making 'New Years' Resolutions' starting tomorrow instead of waiting two months. I just need to take baby steps. (Remind me of that when I'm feeling overwhelmed, would you?)

After church, the kids and I read a few chapter in Moroni and discovered we will finish the Book of Mormon in the morning. It has been a wonderful journey, all of us reading together, taking part in the task. I look forward to reading it again and this time spending more time studying with the kids and working on scripture mastery verses instead of just reading with a bit of discussion.

I have spent much of this afternoon reading. I curled up in my room and enjoyed looking out my bedroom window. I realized that I love the view from my bedroom window. I loved it in Provo and I love it here. I see trees turning gold and a nest in the bare branches near the top. In the top corner of my view, there is the edge of a nearby building and I smile at the fact that I live in this amazing city and yet I can lay in my bed and feel like I could be anywhere. I laid in bed for awhile reading but decided I wanted to be out with the fam, so I moved to the kitchen to read awhile longer while the cake rose in the warm oven. (Jon and I made a cake from a recipe he found on the Times.) I've never made a cake with yeast as the leavening agent, but it smells yummy.

We broke our fast with an old favorite of mine, creamed tuna and peas on toast. I know, it sounds a little nasty and to be honest, it really doesn't look super appetizing, but oh my! it is tasty grub. My mom made it when I was a kid, thus transporting me to a time when I felt unencumbered by responsibility and stress. My kids cleared their plates. I love when they do this and I can see that they love what I have made. This wasn't one of those times, rather they had been fasting and were terribly hungry. Anyway, it really doesn't matter to me why. I'm just happy to not hear complaining or scrutinizing through a meal.

The cake is just out of the oven and I am going to serve it up warm, so I'll be off. This week is sure to be a good one. The kids and I are revamping school a bit. We'll finish and start the Book of Mormon. I am planting a friends' backyard. Jon and I are jumpstarting our workout beginning tomorrow morning. All in all, I look forward to a new week and all that it brings. I hope your week is great and your outlook sunny.

Project Month - Day 3 - Conference Saturday and Scrabble Pieces

I love this day. I do. What a tremendous opportunity to listen to a prophets' voice and be together all weekend.

We are all set for Conference, meaning there are ever so many bowls of sweet and savory things to eat and everyone has something to keep their hands busy while we listen. My hands will be busy with two projects.

First, my sis Loree (who has been banned from this blog for the month as we have their family for Christmas and I will be posting photos of many of their gifts) loves words. She is a boggle-nut! I am making her Scrabble magnets for her fridge as Boggle pieces are far too heavy for this. This is one of those ten minute projects that I've had everything I needed to complete - except the desire - for awhile now. Some magnets, a hot glue gun and Scrabble letters. Too easy!!

Secondly, it is October and in this house, we love Halloween almost as much as Christmas. My other project is cutting out bats. (This is a such tedious job. I am rethinking my initial decision not to buy them precut for $7/8 at Target and save more poor hands. But alas, I have time and not money, so off we go.) Little 5" baby bats to nearly 20" mama bats are going to be hanging from the ceiling. For those of you who remember the snowflakes in the dining room, I've repurposed the fishing line that has been collecting dust for the last six months and they'll be hosting bats and possibly a few ghosts for the next four weeks, although not nearly as many as there were snowflakes.

Later that day...

She'll love these. It makes me want a set of my own. All that's left is to wrap.

This one is going to take a bit more time. I need to cut more bats and ghosts, but so far I like how its looking.

A Little Piece of Heaven on Earth

The cottage garden

It's only 25 miles from my home. I can't believe I didn't know about this before now. I love little discoveries like this one.

Its one of those things that just eludes you but when you find it, another little piece of the puzzle of who you are is made more complete. We all have our "things" that bring us joy, help us feel closer to God, and remind us of who we are. Gardens are one of my "things" and the Ladew Gardens is that kind of place for me. It makes me all squinty eyed to think about it.

The rose garden

The croquet garden

It is a magical and lovely set of gardens that wind in and out of each other with such ease. Imagine Mary Poppins, Alice and Wonderland and Italy and England all rolled into one. (At least that's what I did.)

The topiary gardens were amazing. I have never seen anything like them. What a magical space.

Let me just say, as I look at pictures and think of how I felt as I wandered about, I am filled to the brim.

Oh to have bees!

The yellow garden

My camera, nor my photography skills were able to truly capture the beauty of this place, but I tell you as I walked the grounds, I felt as though I were home. I could lose myself so easily to a place like this.

The koi pond

The iris garden

I wish I could post all the pics I took.


This place truly is a little piece of heaven. Even the house, workshop, greenhouse and garages were charming.

I am a simpleton I guess. This is what I want in life, a place where I can wander about with my heart and my hands in the soil. Tending young plants and taming the older ones. Making everything a bit better for having been there. It dawns on me now that I have exactly that living in an apartment in the city. For I am a gardener every day of my life. Already. Now. My children are those tender young plants striving to grow strong roots, needing proper nourishment and light in order to grow healthy and tall, that they might become something wonderful and glorious. Not only am I a worker in this great endeavour, but I am also a plant in this lovely garden and the Lord is the Master Gardener. You see, I am that older plant that needs taming. It's a much more difficult and tedious job to tame something rather than train it you know. Both jobs take constant vigilance but the older plant at times can grow stubborn, prickly, unwieldy. Sometimes you have to cut it back a little to give it a chance to grow properly again. The Lord does that for me. I am grateful. And I am grateful to recognize the subtle lessons he teaches me everyday, in places like this, in my home, inside of myself. Finally, whether I recognize it or not, I do have my heart and hands in the soil every day. I can choose to look at the work I have as a drudgery or a gift. If you know me at all, you know I like to get my hands dirty and I like to work hard. I think it's time I dig in with more enthusiasm and gratitude. Happy planting!

Yes, that is a rose behind my handsome husband.

Here is the stubborn older plant that has been pruned down a bit. Won't it be stunning when it's grown a bit?!

A younger plant being trained up in the way it should go. Its so vibrant!

(Sidenote: Notice the lovely grasses around the plant. They look nice, but make it trickier to get to the plant. Don't we as parents do this sometimes? Putting obstacles in our way that make it more difficult to fulfill our roles. Time to get out the spade.)

Sis' Baptism Day

Sis and Jon - I've got to do something about that tie

What a wonderful day we had on Sis' baptism day. There were a few little hiccups, but nothing major. Every baptismal day has to have a story to tell later. Sis got hers too. (Ask me later and I'll tell you all about it.) Jon was great, I was uncharacteristically calm and Sis was amazing.

(Ok, so due to the little hiccup, we never got an "official" pre-baptism picture. I had them pose for one at home a few days later, hence the red cami Sis is wearing. Pretty funny actually. Jon is a good sport to do this for his mom and I.)

The fam

The most beautiful women I know.

It was such a blessing to have so many of our family there from so far away. I miss them all so much.

Bless My Life

Here's a blog everyone needs to check out. It's called Bless My Life. A very dear friend and her sweet husband put this up to help people recognize their blessings and uplift and inspire others. It does just that!

Thanks A&R for your wonderful blog and all you do for others. I feel blessed to know you both.