Saturday, January 16, 2010

Resolutions and Relationships

I have been trying to decide what I want out of this new year. My mind has been spinning the idea around like a clothing dryer on an endless cycle. I set goals. I usually do. I feel good about them. There are five. I could add more, but I'm not going to. I'm baby-stepping it this year. I know I can accomplish them all and I think they will each challenge me in different ways.

But the goals don't sum up what I want from 2010. What is it that I want? What matters to me most? I spend a heck of a lot of time worrying/thinking about money, homeschool, the future (in relation to Jon finding a job), lessons/sports for my kids, my calling, my pant size and lots of other random things. There are important elements in all of those things, but most of those things are simply that - things. They aren't lasting. Yes my children's education is important as are their extra activities. Money is necessary as is a job. My pants size? I would like it to be smaller but in reality it isn't something that needs to be mingling with the more important thoughts in my mind. What is it them that should garner my attention?

This is what had me up last night lying in bed listening to my man breathe evenly beside me. Finally, my mind found something clear in the chaos. One word: Relationships. Simple right? Okay maybe not, but just what I was looking for anyway. I want to improve the relationships in my life this year. I am going to invest myself more fully, honestly and genuinely than I have in the past. Some relationships are already good, strong and healthy and still I know they would benefit from a little more attention on my part. Others, I struggle to feel okay with. I don't have much of a relationship with my father Rod. I need to change that. He may not be capable of contributing much at this point, but I certainly am. There are others too I have let fall by the wayside and with just a little more effort they could be wonderful again too.

So in addition to my five little goals and my ongoing mantra to simplify! simplify! simplify!, I am going to strengthen the relationships in my life. They are absolutely the most important things in my life. Without them I would be lost. I would not be me. It just wouldn't be worth it.